Feeling numb..

I’m not sure how to write it down, neither how to explain things in such a way that it stays hidden behind a curtain..

Either way, I don’t know what to feel.. I got news today that my future will change in a really short time frame.. News that I didn’t expect to get.. While I thought everything is/was going perfectly well.. I’m not the person who’s lazy or who tries to get everything for free..  Contrary.. I work as hard as I can, and if I can work even harder, I won’t hesitate to do so.. I will take all the energy there is and try to do more than 100% my best.. But somehow not everything goes like you want it to.. Like you had planned.. It’s like a thunder, coming from nowhere.. Suddenly hitting in on you.. I think it’s the best way to describe things..  On the inside I feel both sadness, tears, happiness and I want to jump. Most of all, this news terribly hit my self believe.. If there’s something which makes me doubt, it’s me.. At moments I feel my life’s a failure.. I know it’s not, but at times, it’s just feels like it.. As if, even though with all the knowledge and good attidue that I have, it’s still not enough.. I don’t see what more is asked..

I just feel sad..