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~Being a fool

~Being a fool~


I’m such a fool


I’d better go on with my cutting..
make the wounds deeper and deeper
till i can’t breathe anymore..


I’m such a fool
for believing it ever gets better
for believing it’s not me
for believing life has a happy end


well it’s not
life is one big mess
one big war
one huge struggle


i should stop believing the lies
and start to think about what it is
not what will never be
at least not in my life..


i wish for friends
but all i get is enemies
i wish for warmth
but all i get is cold
i wish for understanding from others
but the only thing i get are hurting words

I’m not made for all of this
i’m not made out of love
I’m made out of hate
because it had to


i believed in good parents
but all i got were robots
i believed in a great sisterlove
but all i got is sisterhate
i believed in good friendship
and all i ever got were enemies hidden in dark caring words


Take me off here god.
Please stop this huge mistake
stop with making a fool out of me..
and if you don’t want to stop
then let me stop it myself
i’ll stop the breathing of the air
the flowing of the blood
the thinking of my brains
the longlasting wish for love
i’ll stop it all
and i’ll stop being a fool then..