Category: My life

This is something what I often wonder.. I do this, because I don’t know what’s causing you to feel like you feel at this moment… I mean, it’s just a Sunday like so many other sundays.. Nothing special, nothing weird, no stress today, as it would be a calm and quiet day of resting and sleeping.. nothing else. And somehow, out of the blue, the headache came up again..  I wish I could understand why.. What causes this? As far as I can see, it’s work related, stress related actually.. It just happens.. it’s just there.. And then you have to go to bed, to lay down, because you can’t stay up with this terrible headache..

I often wish I could just see in your head and see what’s going through your mind. But I can… Can you?

It all saddens me today.. Somehow it might have been better if I hadn’t woken up this morning.. There are so many things which aren’t going like they should.. And so many things which make me more and more sad every time I think of them..

First of all, there was off course the sad news my penpal Invie came to tell me.. She and her family will be loosing their home.. This means they will have to collect money to build their new house. But how to collect money when you’re either retired or the firm where you are working isn’t paying you, already for some months? Compared with what I earn, the price of the house is not much, but for Invie and her family it’s terribly much.. Too much actually…  I’m trying to figure out a way on how I can collect money for them and send to Invie. So that she won’t have to live on the street, but can built the house, without having to worry too much that tomorrow there is no money left for the roof… (For instance..) It makes me really sad to realize how ‘normal’ we find it that we have a home where we can hide if this world is treatng us bad.. But she can’t hide.. She doesn’t have a place..  I still need to think, but hopefully, there will be people to share a little bit, so that together we can help Invie.. I know it won’t be easy, but I promised Invie to do the best I can..

Then there is my own, ‘little’ financial problem… When something around the house gets broken, it somehow happens that all gets broken at the same time.. It’s also the same with bills..  And somehow everything came together this month. I also had to start on the money I had saved and in the meantime, it’s actually finished. More or less.. If we replace the broken thing, the money is gone. Actually there’s not even enough money for that.. It really makes me worried, as I also used some of my own saved money for normal house hold expenses..  I’m afraid we don’t have enough, which can’t be completely possible, as I used to get a whole lot less salary before I changed to my current job..

I hope pay day will come really soon.. (it should be so next week…) and let’s hope things will be looking less bad then how they do now..

Besides the financial things, I also had a bad day at work.. We have a team of 5 colleagues who help each other when we are trying to solve problems. Since I’m still really new there, I often have to ask help with problems that I encounter and wish to solve. Yesterday evening I heard that I would be alone today. Meaning, none of those 4 colleagues would be there..  I felt bad.. Since I really feel insecure about my knowledge and I want to have an affirmation that I did it right, or perhaps a few hints or tips on how to get to the correct solution. But that wasn’t possible today.. Luckily it wasn’t too busy and I only had a few things that I really didn’t know, but it makes me feel so uncertain. I often feel blonde or stupid when I don’t know something and perhaps a whole lot things I do know. I somehow can only look and concentrate on the small thing which I don’t know, rather then the huge amount of things that I do know. I also want to know more and more. If there is something which I really don’t know, then I start to search with Google, until I can find it. Either way, I felt sad for the fact that they didn’t let me know on time. They gave me the feeling as if I was trying to get their attention, which certainly is not. I am only very insecure and want some affirmations from time to time..

I hope things will be better on Monday.. I don’t really have many expectations for the weekend, besides the fact that I will try to keep the cost low on grocery shopping and the expenses through the weekend further low.. But you never know what else will get broken or which bill will be delivered tomorrow..  (Keep your fingers crossed.. )

I can imagine after all I wrote that it is time to tell more about how it all went at my new work! It’s really wonderful!! 🙂 I started Wednesdag November 1rst! On that day, after getting to know some colleagues, I heard that they had enrolled me for a course! The course started on Friday 3rd of November and will go until December 1rst! So far I survived the first 2 weeks.. It’s really interesting, it’s a course about SAP, a huge program where you can do all the administration work in of your company. It’s really a wide program as it covers not only Human Resources but also Sales, Purchases, Services and everything else that can happen in a company. The first 2 weeks was a general overview about the program. We finished last Friday with a test. If I get 70% or more on the test, I will get my certificate, telling that I succesfully followed that course. From Monday on, we will go more into depth into 2 modules like they call it. SAP has several modules, more or less based on the various fields that the program can work with.. So there is an in depth course about Sales. As for me, I will do an in depth course about the Finance part.. Since I’ve always liked Economy quite a lot, I’m really happy with this in depth course! 😉 This course will also take 2 weeks.. As far as I know, there is not a test at the end of this course, but you never know! 🙂 In total we are with 20 people taking the 30 day training course of SAP at the moment. The first 2 weeks were great and much fun, it was also very very hard working, but if that means that I get my certificate, it’s wonderful off course!! 😉 Since I’m not in the company where I work but in a Training Building of SAP, I haven’t been able to get to know many other colleagues. I did get to know my fellow students!! Some of them are from the same company as I am, but most of them are from other companies.. it’s however great to see how every company arranges things differently.. ;)  Let’s wait and see how the coming 2 weeks are going! I hope they can be filled with some more relaxation then the previous 2 🙂