It all saddens me today.. Somehow it might have been better if I hadn’t woken up this morning.. There are so many things which aren’t going like they should.. And so many things which make me more and more sad every time I think of them..
First of all, there was off course the sad news my penpal Invie came to tell me.. She and her family will be loosing their home.. This means they will have to collect money to build their new house. But how to collect money when you’re either retired or the firm where you are working isn’t paying you, already for some months? Compared with what I earn, the price of the house is not much, but for Invie and her family it’s terribly much.. Too much actually… I’m trying to figure out a way on how I can collect money for them and send to Invie. So that she won’t have to live on the street, but can built the house, without having to worry too much that tomorrow there is no money left for the roof… (For instance..) It makes me really sad to realize how ‘normal’ we find it that we have a home where we can hide if this world is treatng us bad.. But she can’t hide.. She doesn’t have a place.. I still need to think, but hopefully, there will be people to share a little bit, so that together we can help Invie.. I know it won’t be easy, but I promised Invie to do the best I can..
Then there is my own, ‘little’ financial problem… When something around the house gets broken, it somehow happens that all gets broken at the same time.. It’s also the same with bills.. And somehow everything came together this month. I also had to start on the money I had saved and in the meantime, it’s actually finished. More or less.. If we replace the broken thing, the money is gone. Actually there’s not even enough money for that.. It really makes me worried, as I also used some of my own saved money for normal house hold expenses.. I’m afraid we don’t have enough, which can’t be completely possible, as I used to get a whole lot less salary before I changed to my current job..
I hope pay day will come really soon.. (it should be so next week…) and let’s hope things will be looking less bad then how they do now..
Besides the financial things, I also had a bad day at work.. We have a team of 5 colleagues who help each other when we are trying to solve problems. Since I’m still really new there, I often have to ask help with problems that I encounter and wish to solve. Yesterday evening I heard that I would be alone today. Meaning, none of those 4 colleagues would be there.. I felt bad.. Since I really feel insecure about my knowledge and I want to have an affirmation that I did it right, or perhaps a few hints or tips on how to get to the correct solution. But that wasn’t possible today.. Luckily it wasn’t too busy and I only had a few things that I really didn’t know, but it makes me feel so uncertain. I often feel blonde or stupid when I don’t know something and perhaps a whole lot things I do know. I somehow can only look and concentrate on the small thing which I don’t know, rather then the huge amount of things that I do know. I also want to know more and more. If there is something which I really don’t know, then I start to search with Google, until I can find it. Either way, I felt sad for the fact that they didn’t let me know on time. They gave me the feeling as if I was trying to get their attention, which certainly is not. I am only very insecure and want some affirmations from time to time..
I hope things will be better on Monday.. I don’t really have many expectations for the weekend, besides the fact that I will try to keep the cost low on grocery shopping and the expenses through the weekend further low.. But you never know what else will get broken or which bill will be delivered tomorrow.. (Keep your fingers crossed.. )
